Why I’m against Chris Brown performing at the Grammys
Earlier this week I posted in support of the HelloGiggles.com article which was against Chris Brown performing at the Grammys. Chris Brown was arrested and convicted three years ago of charges relating to domestic abuse against his girlfriend of the time, Rihanna. Here’s why I posted my support:
In the total 12 years of living with my dad, four of those years I was on the child protection list. That basically means I was considered “at risk” of abuse by the social services.
Those four years were actually two separate periods of two years. So, after the first period, there was another incident that caused me, and my sister, to be placed on the list again.
The first incident that caused the state to step in to our family is a little blurry to me. I remember it as being because of an evening when I was about eight when I was supposed to be making dinner for the family and I left the burgers burn because I was watching Neighbours (my dad hated Neighbours). Therefore he hit me, shook me and kicked me as punishment. I ran away to my friend’s house that night and her mum called the social services.
However, my mum has corrected me since then that the first time we had social services come to our house was because my sister (about aged six) had bruises across her back after my dad had lost his temper when she was putting her coat on too slowly. When her teacher noticed the social services were called.
Three or four years later, after we had been taken off the protection list, the next big incident occurred. My sister and I were messing around in the living room, probably fighting and pushing each other, as we liked to do, when we accidentally pulled the curtains down. In punishment for this my dad took a bike chain to us.
I still remember the image of my sister with the lock combination numbers imprinted on her bum cheek.
I had swimming at school the next day, I didn’t take my kit because I knew my teacher would see but I did show my best friend who then went home, told her mum, and she then called the social services to report the incident.
During both of these periods my sister and I were subjected to health checks by social services representatives to check for bruises and other signs of abuse, my dad was not allowed to look after us alone, and we had a regular social worker assigned to us.
My dad maintained throughout that the social services were interfering in his family, that he was just disciplining his children. My dad has never apologised to me for the abuse. As far as I know he has never received therapy for what he did to me and my sister, nor has he ever acknowledged that it ever happened in front of me.
The combination of these details plus things that happened during my teenage years (thankfully, not more physical abuse) mean that I no longer speak to my dad. I haven’t spoken to him now for around six years.
And so, based on my life experiences I do not wish to be associated with any individual who has been convicted of charges relating to domestic abuse, be them male or female. I have had my own experiences of physical abuse which mark my life every day and I do not wish to aid one ounce of success to anyone who is associated with any kind of abuse.
Hopefully these details also go some way to explain some of the choices that I plan to make for my wedding. More on these later but for one, my dad won’t be giving me away!
P.S. I told you I had a story… well, this is just the start.